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jared leto's car is exactly what you want it to be

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You know what? I'm a writer. And as a writer, I can hide behind "creative license" and straight make up words because that is a part of my authorial duty. I can do that, because, not to get all Roland Barthes on you, but words are just societally agreed upon sounds/noises that stand as signifiers. So here is my new word, an adjective: "Jared Letoiest." As in, "Wow, Steve, I really like your ponytail, but it isn't the Jared Letoiest thing I've seen recently," or, "That guy was totally standoffish, but then I realized he didn't know how to read, it was the most Jared Letoiest experience I have ever had." The definition of said word can be summarized as an object that posesses the properties or qualities of a singular Jared Leto, which includes self-assuredness, kick-ass hair, an effortless way with the ladies, and also a penchant for flannel. 

The reason for this new word, which we should alert Oxford about promptly, is this recently surface TMZ video of Jared Leto's car, which, to be fair, can only be described as Jared Letoiest. No, it isn't a hybrid or a Mustang or a Lambo. It is a classic Bronco SUV sans roof, adorned with custom orange and yellow flames covering, nay, licking, the hood. TMZ made a whole video about it, but you probably shouldn't watch it unless you want to feel really uncomfortable and be assailed by an overabundance of sound effects, but just have this as a takeaway: Jared Leto's car is simply the Jared Letoiest, and we would totally hop into it to make out with him in the boiler room. 

 


the apple watch is coming...

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It has been almost six months since the world got official confirmation of the Apple Watch (and, consequently, was also subjected to a U2 album some of us still can't get off of our fphones), and a release date seems to be nigh. Though the company initially said that the Apple Watch would be out by the beginning of 2015, it now seems to have a firm date. Today, during a call with investors about quarterly earnings, CEO Tim Cook confirmed that the Watch will hit stores this April, perfect for all those amazing April Fools Jokes you are clearly already planning. Pricing sounds like it will still be the same as when it was announced (starting at $349.)

If you recall, Apple is releasing three models: The regular Watch, the Apple Watch Sport (for those #healthgoth out there), and the Apple Watch Edition, aimed at the luxury market. Basically, we want them all, because it is an Apple product, and we are just simply hardwired to think like that. 

Apple Watch, worth the hype? (The Verge)

8@8: your morning scoop

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Today is...

Fun at Work Day—though we think every day in the office should be a good time anyway.

News of the Day:

+ Changing seasons means new campaigns and new models. Karl Lagerfeld has selected Kristen Stewart, Vanessa Paradis and Alice Dellal as the new faces of Chanel's spring handbag campaign and we seriously can't wait to see how awesome these rad girls will look.

+ A new app called Pplkpr monitors your heart rate to tell you which of your friends you should dump. Bye Felicia.

+ According to Deadline, Disney is looking to reboot Indiana Jones and they're considering none other than our favorite heartthrob Chris Pratt to star at the titular character. This is the stuff that dreams are made of. As of late, it's just a rumor, but here's hoping it actually happens.

+ After firing a trans employee for her gender identity, Saks has withdrawn its attempt to fight a discrimination lawsuit, realizing the error of its ways.

+ Pop up shops are old hat these days, but Selfridges is switching things up. The British brand will debut a gender-neutral pop up on March 1st. 

Deal of the Day:

Get 20% off winter warmers at MissGuided with the code FREEZE20. Stay cozy.

Advice of the Day:

“One if the things that I battle with is feeling self-conscious, like people are looking at me, people are taking my picture, you know, somebody’s whispering. So you feel like you want to protect yourself from criticism and from judgement. And you feel like one of the ways you can do that is to have an appearance that nobody can poke fun at. So you try and sort of build yourself up in these ways, and it can take you further away from who you are and further away from being in the world, and being in the world is what being an actor is all about: watching people and observing people.” - Michelle Williams

GIF of the Day:

This app might alter your friendships

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Friendship can be a tricky thing. In some cases, it's a profound bond formed between two people who share something in common and enjoy each other's company. In other cases, it's a product of circumstance or convenience, and probably shouldn't exist at all. Well a new app is going to help you which friendships are worthwhile and good for you, and which ones need to be nixed.

Pplkpr, pronounced People Keeper, is an app created by two artists-in-residence at Carnegie Mellon named Lauren McCarthy and Kyle McDonald, who also view their project as an art project. It's kind of like Miranda July's Someboy app, a useful tool at forging connections that's also meant to reveal something perhaps more profound about ourselves.

The app, which connects through Facebook and needs a heartrate band to work, monitors your body's response when you're hanging with certain friends. If your heartrate increases every time you're around a specific person, it probably means they make you anxious—or that you're madly in love with them. If the opposite happens, that person is probably a boring dummy who needs to be dropped. Either way, it's probaby time to reevaluate that friendship. 

What do you think? Is this a gimmick, or something that could actually be useful in your everyday life? The video below might help shed some more light. 

 

miley cyrus got an emoji tattoo

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If you've ever taken a look at Miley Cyrus' Instagram, you've maybe gotten a peek into the singer's strange, pizza-filled, Photoshop-fueled mind. So it shouldn't come as a surprise that she got an emoji tattoo—because she can't stop/won't stop being Miley. 

Cyrus' tattoo journey (if you will) started when she was 17, when she got "Just Breathe" written by her heart in memory of her late grandfather and friend Vanessa. Since then, she's added multiple tattoos: a heart, a cross, the word "karma," "BAD" in red ink, an equal sign for equal rights, and an evil eye—to her fingers, "LOVE" behind her ear, a large dreamcatcher on her rib cage, an anchor and an om symbol on her wrist, a sugar skull on her foot, the phrase "love never dies" and a sabertooth on her inner bicep, a Theodore Roosevelt quote, a Leonardo da Vinci sketch of the human heart, and "VIIXCI" on her forearm (the roman numerals 7/91, when her parents met), crossed arrows above her elbow to signify friendship, "Rolling $tone" on the bottom of her feet, her grandmother's portrait, a cartoon of her late dog Floyd, "Love Yer Brain," and a crescent moon. Whew! 

The singer also has two previous emoji tattoos, one of a tongue emoji (which has faded) on her finger, and one of the crying cat emoji on the inside of her lip. The more you know. 


photo via @mileycyrus instagram

kim kardashian's love cover is spooky as hell

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Love Magazine, the bastion of cool helmed by Katie Grand, is asking for us to suspenda whole lot of belief for its Kim K. cover. It wants us to imagine a world in which Kim Kardashian West would use a payphone. It wants us to consider if Kim, in all of her years in L.A., enjoys In-N-Out burgers, but then doubles down on the thought exercise by suggesting that she can hold one in her manicured paw and not take a single bite of it. But most importantly, it also wants us to believe in a world where Kim Kardashian exists without contouring and, even in her Lynchian moment of Los Angeles ennui, would deign to let her undereye bags see the light of day. 

But that's kind of what is amazing about this cover, and Love in general, is the vision behind the publication. (Remember, this is the mag who brought us a naked Beth Ditto and put trans* model Lea T. front and center.) For this issue, Kim is interviewed by Cara Delevingne and decked out in Prada—particularly 2003 Prada, in this shot. It is indeed a glossy, but it is a glossy with grit, one with its very particular and unapologetic aesthetic, which often taps into otherworldliness with a dreamily lit studio, not a darkened phonebooth. But that works, too. Certainly more moody than, say, #breakingtheinternet. 

photo via love magazine

angelina jolie pens heartbreaking op-ed in the new york times

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Now that Angelina Jolie's Oscar campaign has come to an end, the actress and filmmaker has traded her pumps and her skirt suits for a superhero cape. Jolie, who spent the last several months attending luncheons and awards shows in support of her directorial effort Unbroken, is back in full-on humanitarian mode, having just visited Iraq to see firsthand the suffering of refugees caused by the war in neighboring Syria. Jolie penned an op-ed about her experiences in the New York Times, saying that what she saw left her "speechless." It's a heartbreaking read.  

Syria has been plunged into chaos by crushing civil war and more recently the rise of the Islamic State, or ISIS, and nearly half of that country's 23 million people have had to leave. According to Jolie, their suffering, the effects of which she's witnessed firsthand, is unimaginable. "I have visited Iraq five times since 2007, and I have seen nothing like the suffering I’m witnessing now," she writes. "Nothing prepares you for the reality of so much individual human misery: for the stories of suffering and death, and the gaze of hungry, traumatized children."

Jolie, who is the special envoy of the United Nations High Commissioner for Refugees, has made helping displaced people her life's work, and is clearly frustrated by what she sees as a lack of mobilization from the international community. "Much more assistance must be found to help Syria’s neighbors bear the unsustainable burden of millions of refugees," she writes. "The United Nations’ humanitarian appeals are significantly underfunded. Countries outside the region should offer sanctuary to the most vulnerable refugees in need of resettlement — for example, those who have experienced rape or torture."

Jolie also gave an emotional an emotional speech while in Iraq, which you can watch below. Weirdly enough, Jolie's op-ed doesn't provide readers with a way they can help, implicitly suggesting that a solution to this crisis must come from the highest corridors of power. CNN has a good roundup of all the organizations who are trying to help Syrian refugees, and how you can help them in this important cause.

 

sam smith just can't catch a break

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Aw, it appears Sam Smith's 2015 so far could use some work. 

Following the very public acknowledgment of his recent breakup (which will most likely serve as material for his next album), Smith was called "fat," "effeminate" and "an ugly motherf***er" by Howard Stern on his radio show, was just ordered to pay Tom Petty royalties for similarities between "Stay With Me" and Petty's "I Won't Back Down," and now the singer has revealed he's "very paranoid and insecure all the time" in his most recent interview with GQ. Rough. 

For someone who just notched six Grammy nominations for his debut album, you'd like to think the focus would be on Smith's music instead of how he looks, or how other people think he looks. But despite the cascade of negativity, Smith is still keeping it real, which is exactly why his fans adore him. He told GQ: "I am not Sam Smith, the gay singer. I am Sam Smith, the singer who happens to be gay. I preach all the time about being myself and being comfortable with myself, but if I'm honest, I struggle every day. I'm still figuring out who I am. I don't want to pretend I've got everything sorted out in my mind, because I really don't."

Cheer up, Sam. You're one of the hottest names in music right now and will probably win all the Grammys (or at least a few). We know the fame thing can get maddening. All eyes (and ears) are on you. That can mess with someone's brain circuitry. So if you ever feel yourself slipping away, just do what we do and remember these three things.


watch cameron diaz and benji madden on the kiss cam

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At last night's L.A. Lakers game, newlyweds Cameron Diaz and Benji Madden were caught on the kiss cam. And, well, it was adorable. Instead of getting caught off-guard, sitting in fear for 3-5 seconds, and planting a rushed peck on their significant other's blushed cheek, the couple got really excited...And had a mini-makeout session. Celebrities: They're just like us (if we weren't socially inept and camera-shy).

The Maddens met early last year after Benji's sister-in-law Nicole Richie set them up on a date. It obviously went pretty well, considering they held a surprise wedding three weeks ago at Diaz's Beverly Hills mansion. With a follow-up to Diaz's Bad Teacher in the works, the couple is bound to have a great 2015. 

j. cole turns childhood home into refuge for women

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Rapper J. Cole recently sat down with The Combat Jack Show to discuss everything from his new album, Forest Hills Drive, to his childhood. The album, with artwork that features Cole perched atop the North Carolina home he grew up in, debuted at #1 on the Billboard Music charts with 375,000 copies sold in its first week. But that's not why this concept record is circling around again.

The album's name is an ode to Cole's childhood home, which was eventually taken from his mother. Years later, that injustice inspired him to repurchase the property. He now plans to open its doors to single mothers with multiple children—rent-free. Cole told Combat Jack: "My goal is to have that be a haven for families. So every two years a new family will come in and they live rent-free. The idea is that it’s a single mother with multiple kids and she’s coming from a place where all her kids are sharing a room. She might have two, three kids—they’re sharing a room. She gets to come here rent-free. I want her kids to feel how I felt when we got to the house."

The Grammy-nominated artist is keeping the project on the hush for now, but says his faith in the future and his appreciation for the unknown is the driving force behind his success and humble attitude. "Appreciation is everything. Life could be both beautiful or ugly depending on how you look at it."

For more information on how you, too, can help out women in need, head over to your local women's shelters and join the cause.

anna kendrick: up in the air, and down to earth

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Despite a seemingly pitch-perfect existence, Anna Kendrick has not always flown through life with the greatest of ease. 

"Shit! Why did I think this was a good idea?" yells Anna Kendrick, balancing on a tiny wooden platform. Suspended from the rafters, she peers at the ground below, her brow furrowed, possibly contemplating an escape back down two 10-foot-tall ladders that are precariously tied together. She shakes her head and regains focus, takes a deep breath, and grabs the trapeze bar in front of her—first with her right hand, then her left. She bends her knees and jumps.

The petite 29-year-old, fresh-faced with her copper-colored hair pulled into a ponytail, dangles ever so delicately from the trapeze bar. In a gray sweatshirt, tribal-print leggings, and black ballet slippers, she swings back and forth, high above a group of jugglers in Long Island City, New York’s Circus Warehouse, where professional performers come to train and teach. Suspended in mid-air, Kendrick’s legs are clenched together, her toes perfectly pointed. You’d swear she was a longtime gymnast based on her form, but, no, she’s just a natural. Something even she couldn’t have predicted.

Less than an hour earlier, the former Twilight star was enjoying a cereal-bowl-sized green tea at nearby Café Henri—and confessing her nervousness over our impending trapeze class. “I’m not afraid of breaking something—I’m afraid of being revealed as a total puss,” she admitted then. “I can see it now: You’ll write how one minute I was so excited, then turned out to be all talk and no walk.” But that was certainly not the case. After dismounting onto the net—which sends her 5-foot-2 frame into a bouncing fit— Kendrick asks, “Can someone please remind me to breathe next time?” Before I’m even done laughing, she has rechalked her hands, reattached the harness and safety ropes, and has started climbing back up the rungs for another go. This time, the fear in her eyes is replaced with an “I’ve got this” determination.

Kendrick’s Pitch Perfect co-star Rebel Wilson, a.k.a. Fat Amy, is not surprised to hear Ms. Overachiever has overachieved once again. “She tends to be good at most things,” says Wilson, who performs a Cirque du Soleil-style number in this spring’s Pitch Perfect 2. “She can achieve something in one day that most people would have to train years for—that’s just Kendrick.”

After all, the actress did earn a Tony nomination at age 12 for her performance as Dinah Lord in Broadway’s Cole Porter musical High Society. An Independent Spirit Award nomination for her film debut in 2003’s Camp came next. Kendrick’s portrayal of Up in the Air’s all-business Natalie earned her an Oscar nomination. And if all of that weren’t enough, her first foray into music, “Cups (Pitch Perfect’s When I’m Gone),” sold more than 3.5 million copies.

Even with all of those accomplishments, 2015 is set to be her biggest year yet. Coming off of the success of her holiday blockbuster Into the Woods, where she portrayed a disillusioned Cinderella, Kendrick stars in this month’s Broadway-to-big-screen adaptation of the musical The Last 5 Years. In May, she reprises her role as Beca in the much-anticipated Pitch Perfect 2. Kendrick has also wrapped three more films with the likes of Bryan Cranston, John Krasinski, and Sam Rockwell, and is currently filming another with Ben Affleck. On the fashion front, she’s also recently been named the new face of Kate Spade New York.

Kendrick points to the tea leaves in her cup, which have formed an upsidedown heart (“Awww!”). The self-described perfectionist—the kind of person who would not be OK just being OK, even as a firsttime trapeze artist—says she’s trying to give in more to her fun side, and to tone down her obsessive-compulsive tendencies (i.e., emailing her mom, whom Kendrick has nicknamed Grammar Nazi, to make sure she’s using a semicolon properly). 

Close friend Aubrey Plaza has certainly helped Kendrick loosen up. The two met at a cast party in 2009 before their movie Scott Pilgrim vs. the World began shooting in Toronto. “Anna was a shy, pale little thing, but when she opened her mouth I realized she was also a feisty animal, and that we would be friends until the end,” says Plaza. So when the Parks and Recreation star decided to go to Mexico on a whim, she texted Kendrick: “Mexico tomorrow?” “She didn’t ask any questions—she only said, ‘Yes.' So we went to Mexico the next day,” says Plaza. “When we walked down to the beach, Anna was completely covered up: huge sun hat, glasses, and a glamorous, flowing tunic. She is the weirdest combo of impulsive tequila-drinking party girl and 80-year-old senator’s wife from Vermont. She’s really something special. She’s what America does best.”

And if her three million Twitter followers are any indication, America is eating up everything she dishes out. Part of the actress’s appeal is that she appears to have no censor button—something I experienced firsthand before even meeting her via a text apology for running 10 minutes late. Seconds later, another text popped up: “If it makes you feel better, I may piss myself in this cab.” 

On social media, Kendrick’s followers can’t get enough of her off-the-cuff commentary like, “If you wear heels on cross-country flights, we probably can’t be friends,” and “Wearing SPF 20 today. The danger is exhilarating.” But hands down, her most talked-about tweet ever: “Ugh—NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered ‘inappropriate.’”

It’s hard to believe AK-47 (as her BFFs call her) used to text friends her tweets before posting them to make sure she wasn’t going too far. “Now, I don’t give a fuck,” she says with a shrug. “Twitter is only 140 characters. There’s really not that much I could reveal, then regret later. Of course, me being me, the tweets I want to take back are the ones that I think could’ve been punchier or more concise.” That said, she hasn’t met Gosling, otherwise she might wish she hadn’t pressed send on that one. “Thank God I’ve never been in a room with him! I don’t feel embarrassed, though,” she clarifies, sitting up taller in the café’s wooden booth. “I’m sure he has a sense of humor. But I’d probably feel like I’d have to address [the tweet], and I’d end up saying something to make it much, much worse.” The way she says it, you get the feeling she’s done that sort of rambling, sinkingin-quicksand small talk many times before.

 

Though she claims to have no game, on paper Kendrick seems like every guy’s wet dream. According to Plaza, “she loves Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones, can rap ‘99 Problems’ from start to finish, scarfs down burgers in six-inch Louboutins, while beating you at Assassin’s Creed. But guys are probably afraid to hit on her because she’s intimidating.”

Kendrick—who split from Scott Pilgrim director Edgar Wright in 2013—once said that no one has tried to pick her up since Up in the Air (which is reportedly around the time she started dating her ex), but she now regrets making that statement. “The more I talk about it, the more it gets repeated. I shouldn’t have said anything.” She begins banging her forehead with the palm of her hand. “So. Stupid!”

Based on her type-A personality, one might think Kendrick would have an image of her Mr. Perfect in mind—or at least a catalog of preferred characteristics—but quite the contrary: “That’s like making a list of the kind of clothes you want to have in 20 years, when you have no way of actually knowing what that will be. It seems like the most arbitrary thing, to create a list of qualities that you want in somebody, when there are infinite variations of a human personality.” She does know, however, that she no longer wants to waste her time chasing after guys who just aren’t that into her. “The great torture from my teen years into my mid-20s was trying to get attention from guys who were not interested in me—like, at all,” she reveals. “So I’m happy that now my type is a nice guy who likes me back.” 

She also loves to laugh, but a man “who can’t stop joking is kind of a turnoff,” says Kendrick. “It makes me think, ‘Can you actually go more than 10 minutes without making a joke? Have you developed a personality beyond smartass party banter? Would you be making sarcastic remarks during sex?’”

As a teen, Kendrick was convinced her classmates were whispering, “God, that Anna probably hasn’t gotten her period yet.” And they would have been right. “I was a very late bloomer,” she says, sinking back in her seat. “I was the smallest in my class, always telling myself, ‘I’m never getting boobs!’” Young Anna read every teen magazine she could get her hands on, hoping one might reveal the secret to speeding up the cleavagegrowing process—but they never did. “I remember being comforted by hearing that guys like small boobs and big boobs. They like any boobs!” recalls Kendrick. “At the time I was like, ‘That is excellent news!’”

Originally from Portland, Maine, Kendrick— the daughter of an accountant mother and a history teacher father, who divorced when she was 15—started going into New York City at age 10 for auditions. By 12, she and her older brother, Michael (then 14), were taking the bus into the city by themselves. “I’m sure that I was like Mr. fucking Magoo wandering around in potentially unsafe situations, just totally oblivious and loving it,” she says. “When you’re that age, just the idea of being in New York is really cool. To be honest, even now when I meet adults who grew up in New York or Los Angeles or London, I’m like, ‘You must be the coolest person alive.’ I have deep-rooted intimidation issues with people who grew up in big cities. And I’m a grown-ass woman.” 

Make that a grown-ass woman who feels humbled by fellow celebrities as well—even her peers. Girls’ Jemima Kirke recently gave Kendrick a shout-out on Twitter. Her reaction? Excited, but overwhelmed. “I’ve never met Jemima, and I hope to never meet her because she’s so cool, and for one moment she thought that I was cool, and I don’t want to blow it,” she says in one long, drawn-out breath. “But I hope I don’t ever get the feeling that I’m the cool girl. I think self-doubt is healthy. It pushes you, and humbles you, and I would really hate to be one of the three people in the fucking universe who are actually well-rounded, because then you can’t relate to anybody else’s inner shit.” She swirls the remains of her tea. “You can always take steps to improve what’s going on in your own head, but without an understanding of what it is to be insecure, how would I relate to anybody? Sometimes I meet people who are too confident. I’m like, ‘I don’t even like being around you. You’re boring. Get a neurosis, and then we’ll talk.’”

Perhaps that’s why she tends to be attracted to complex, flawed characters— like Cathy in this month’s The Last 5 Years, which follows a couple falling in and out of love, with the male lead (Jeremy Jordan) telling the story going forward of how they came together, and Kendrick’s character telling it in reverse of how they split. The actress was writer-director Richard LaGravenese’s first choice to play Cathy, whom he describes as “a woman at odds with herself. She loves this man whose career is soaring, but she also doesn’t want to lose herself in his identity. Anna—who is a thoroughbred professional, scary smart, and has an incredible skill set—seemed to really understand Cathy’s struggle.”

Getting back to her musical-theater roots was an invigorating challenge for Kendrick, who says she was on a no-alcohol, no-caffeine diet while filming the movie to protect her voice. She’s very proud of her work opposite Jordan, and what they were able to accomplish in 21 days of shooting on a very limited budget. But the self-deprecating side of her can’t resist qualifying that by saying, “Since [the majority of the movie] is just the two of us, there is a lot of my face, which is terrifying. I don’t know if anybody can handle looking at my face that long!” But if you can get through the 94 minutes of Kendrick’s mug, she says it will be worth it, because “the material is so good. Seeing this story unravel is like giving someone pizza for the first time. It doesn’t matter if it’s the best or worst pizza; it’s still pizza. If we do a good job, it’s awesome pizza. If we screw it up, it’s still fucking pizza—you’ll enjoy it.”

But whom is Kendrick kidding? She’s not the type to make a misstep in her first trapeze class, let alone her career. By the end of our hour-long session, she’s doing backflip dismounts—something the instructor swears no one ever conquers in the first lesson (I definitely didn’t). And yet she’s still talking about what she “could have done better” and how she “could have improved.” Once a perfectionist, always a perfectionist.

 

5 insane apartment horror stories, illustrated

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New York City living can be the most thrilling and gratifying experience a young person can have. However, when you get 11 million people in one place simply trying to make due (plus exorbitant, always-increasing rent), things begin to get weird. After realizing that our friends and coworkers tell some of the craziest, most absurd living situation stories ever, we tasked our amazing Digital Design Director Liz Riccardi to illustrate how exactly these crazy tales may have gone down. The result is a couple hilarious pictures and some truly terrifying—and totally true—New York City apartment nightmares.

Add yours in the comments—New York or not—and perhaps we'll illustrate 'em in the next edition. 

"I once had a bathroom sink that had a maggot infestation. Whenever the water was running, they would squiggle up from the drain like tiny noodles from hell. We tried everything to get rid of them: bleach, Draino, boiling water. They'd disappear for a day or so and then reemerge. The super said there was nothing he could do about them. They lived in the sink for the full year that I lived there. Eventually I grew to think of them as my frenemies. I wonder what they're doing right now." 

 

 

 "I had been living in NYC exactly one year when I made the big move from Brooklyn into Manhattan. My rent was 50-percent higher and my apartment was a quarter of the size. My floor had five apartments, and I made friends with my neighbors pretty quickly.  We were all around the same age and chasing a dream. There was me, an editorial assistant at a magazine; my fabulously gay neighbor, a TV publicist, who dressed himself and his Chihuahua in matching shirts; a struggling actress by day and waitress by night, who always had a revolving door of guys staying over; a Kurt and Courtney-type couple with a toddler—he was a graphic designer, she was a photographer; and a quiet philosophy major, who could surprisingly really throw back tequila shots.

Months later when the aspiring Plato moved out to go to grad school out west, a straight-laced couple in their 30s settled in: an accountant and a banker, who downsized in order to save to buy a place in the burbs. The very first night they moved in, I could hear every moan, groan, and yelp as they had sex. This became their thing. Every night at 11 p.m., like clockwork, I got to hear the grunts, the giggles, and what I could only imagine was the sound of ass-slapping. My bed—which would only fit into my tiny bedroom one way—was positioned on the same wall as their bed! So every time they got it on, my full-size bed moved further and further from the wall with their every thrust.

Over the next few weeks, all my neighbors noticed the 11 p.m. fuck appointment, and I gradually spent more and more nights out. After some coaxing and many, many drinks, my neighbors convinced me to put a note under the couple’s door before going to work the next day. It was discreet, only saying: 'The walls are thin here. Everyone hears everything, especially at 11 p.m.' But just as I was slipping the message under the door, the male half of the couple flung the door open on his way out (Why didn’t I wait till 11 p.m. to slip it under the door? Stupid! Stupid!). He saw me, then the note. While my face was probably 50 shades of red, I could tell he was completely unfazed. Instead of being mortified like I was, he made an off-color joke about how maybe I’d like to join them in a threesome sometime. I laughed uncomfortably as I rushed down the stairs, thinking the faster I went, the faster the conversation would be over.

After that, I was home sick with the flu, and for an entire week of 11 p.m. appointments, instead of screaming out each other’s names, they screamed out mine. I’ll never know if they were actually having sex (which would make it super-creepy), or just completely messing with me (I like to think this was the case). But it soon became the running gag in the building. When I’d run into people from my floor at the mailboxes or the trash shoot, instead of saying, “Hi, Patty,” they’d say it in their best porn star-worthy sex scream—and I'd blush every single time."

 

"'A friend' once came home to a trail of blood drops and smears zig-zagging and looping around the whole apartment, ending at to two bloody tampons on the floor of the kitchen. No roommate claimed responsibility. Super gross."

"A friend's ceiling caved in from water buildup, thus flooding the entire apartments and leaving huge holes to the floors above. Two seemingly straight-edge upstairs neighbors went on a psychedelic bender, turned on all of their water faucets to 'protect them from ghosts' (yes, this is their reasoning) and flooded their apartment and two floors of other apartments on purpose. It was like an anti-drug commercial."

"So when I was bussing up from DC and doing my first round of apartment hunting in Brooklyn, my future landlord tricked me into believing my roommates were going to be 'young professionals' with normal 9-5 hours.  Maybe it was the bottomless brunch party I had just stumbled away from at Il Bastardo, or maybe it was the young landlord's model-good looks, but I 100-percent took his word for it and didn't feel the need to meet the rest of my 'young professional roommates'. Apartment hunting when you aren't already living/crashing on a friend's NYC couch can be tough, and I wanted to settle on something quick. Plus, the apartment had a washer and dryer plus three balconies, and that's pretty much hitting the jackpot here.

Fast forward to move in time—my roommates were three guys, two of whom are in their mid 40's. One was a middle aged 'artist' who liked to call me Rapunzel (I lived at the top of the apartment and have long hair) and definitely didn't work 9-5, or at all, if that.  He would leave out his leftover medium-rare steaks overnight, letting meat juice stain my plastic cutting board, scatter beer cans, and liquor bottles everywhere, and invite college-aged girls over for loud midday weekend trysts. I kept trying to figure out what he really did, and then one day I had my answer.
 
'Rapunzel, can you keep a secret?' Middle-aged artist asked, while in a drunken-high stupor, touching my hair.
 
'Um, sure?' I responded, feeling extremely uncomfortable.
 
He proceeded to tell me that he was the son of a famous attractive 1950's Hollywood actor (whose name i'm leaving out, because you've definitely heard of him). His mom was also a famous film actress and still acts on Broadway. My next logical internal dialogue was, 'Is this true, and how did this guy end up so sketchy?'
 
He then told me he was 'skipping town' for a weekend, and that I could hang in his room, but then iterated, "Don't go through my shit. I repeat, don't go through my shit."
 
Obviously, I ran upstairs to my laptop, Wiki'd his dad, found him in the 'family' section, and googled him.  Sure enough, the first thing that popped up was a mug shot of my roommate and an article about how he had been arrested for transporting 40 pounds of marijuana in a pickup truck 'on the way to a funeral.' Oof." 

 

 

 

why there's no such thing as a "good body"

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Generally, when people say that someone has a "good body," you can guess the sort figure they're referring to. This impossible-to-attain yet ever-present standard of beauty—that very specific skinny, slightly curvy aesthetic—is so prevalent that it can feel like women have always been told to look that way. Fun fact: While women have pretty much always had a standard that we're supposed to live up to, it's changed drastically throughout history.

This video, by Buzzfeed, shows just how much those "perfect" body standards have varied throughout time. While it only focuses on some cultures and some time periods, with an overall emphasis on Western standards, it's still a good way to get some perspective. There's no such thing as a perfect body—it's a construct. Whether or not your body fits into that standard has more to do with the era you were born in than anything else. Which, if you think about it, is basically luck. 

The major takeaway here? Telling women that there's a right way and a wrong way to look—and that there's an ideal to aspire to—is oppressive, regardless of the specifics of that ideal. The more we disregard those standards and start embracing our differences, the better off we'll all be.

Watch the video below and let us know what you think. (via Buzzfeed

taylor swift trademarks 'this sick beat' and other lyrics

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It feels like not a day goes by where we don't get some news about Taylor Swift. So, because today is a day, here is some news about Taylor Swift. The dominant pop star of the moment is showing us exactly how she got to where she is (the very top) by trademarking certain lyrics from her album 1989. The most well known one is "This Sick Beat," from the rapped bridge of "Shake It Off." Others include "Party Like It's 1989" and "Nice to Meet You. Where You Been?" What this means is that young entrepreneurs can no longer put those phrases on T-shirts, coffee mugs, key chains, diapers, condoms, or anywhere else, really. Doing so would be in direct violation of the law and the Taylor Swift Corporation will see to it that you pay dearly for it.

Some people might think that this is classic Taylor Swift, that behind the totally chill and one-of-us veneer, Swift is actually a strict, uptight, and ruthless businesswoman. Those people would be correct. You don't reach Swift's level of success—in any industry—without being meticulous to the point of obsession. Swift showed that she is determined not to let anyone else profit from her work when she pulled her albums from Spotify, and this is the next phase in that evolution. With album sales no longer being a viable profit stream for artists—because listeners essentially steal their music—merchandising has become an essential source of income. And while Tay Tay isn't exactly starving, she's still claiming what rightfully belongs to her. Greedy? Maybe. Smart? Definitely.  

8@8: your morning scoop

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Today is...
National Corn Chip Day. And yes, Doritos count.

News of the Day:
+
Take a sneak peak at a teaser for Lindsay Lohan's self-deprecating Superbowl ad. Would you get in that car?
A Boston bartender shoveled the city's sacred marathon finish line yesterday, bringing tears to our eyes with a single photo.
+ Steven Meisel sat down with Tim Blanks to discuss his iconic career and the opening of his new exhibition 'Roleplay' at Phillips for WSJ Magazine. Apparently, when Meisel takes a selfie, it's called a "self portrait."
+ Blink 182 frontman Tom DeLonge took to his Facebook to write a letter to his fans updating them on the status of his role in the band and continuing a bizarre public feud between its three members. DeLonge ended his message with, "Never planned on quitting, just find it hard as hell to commit."
+ After months of awkward speculation, Bruce Jenner has decided to reveal the truth behind is physical transformation (or 'journey,' as Kim calls it) in an unscripted reality series for E!. 

Deal of the Day:
Glossier is offering a discount on orders $25 and over if you sign up to their email list! #skinisin

Advice of the Day:
“As a teenager, I didn’t understand that saying you’re a feminist is just saying that you hope women and men will have equal rights and equal opportunities. What it seemed to me, the way it was phrased in culture, society, was that you hate men. And now, I think a lot of girls have had a feminist awakening because they understand what the word means. For so long it’s been made to seem like something where you’d picket against the opposite sex, whereas it’s not about that at all.” - Taylor Swift

GIF of the Day:


women who have sex are killing it on the big screen

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Sundance’s big success story last year was the little film that could, Whiplash, which told of a tumultuous relationship between a drummer and his intense teacher. Then there was Boyhood, Linklater’s brilliant film about male adolescence in America. Other hits included The Double, Richard Ayoade meditation on modern duality as told through Jesse Eisenberg, and the brutal story of a young boy growing up on the edge in Hellion. All great movies, but all discussing a familiar and well-worn subject: becoming a man. (This isn’t the rule: Ana Lily Amirpour’s vampire-noir A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night and The Babadook were both great female-led stories.)

Yet, this year features a host of films that rest squarely on the shoulders of the incredible female leads, who will all prove to be this year’s breakouts, exceptionally taking on the narrative of an entire film in each of their performances. Sundance has always done a great job promoting women, but the offerings this year felt particularly focused on womanhood—and more importantly, her sexual, and inherently lady-focused, identity. (Side note: Female directors were also out in full force, from Mia Hansen-Love’s Eden to Leslye Headland’s Sleeping With Other People). No film encapsulated this quite like Diary Of A Teenage Girl, a fabulous film directed by Marielle Heller, a first time effort that felt far more realized, controlled, and able than most freshman debuts around. The film, which will certainly be subject to plenty of ink, might be a hard sell (fortunately Sony Classics has taken it on), simply because it is about the sweaty, hungry sex life of a 15-year-old. Played by Bel Powley, Minnie Goetze is so much more textured than your average Lolita; she wants to be touched and loved, and like so many young women, she conflates the two, especially when she seduces her mother’s charmingly dumb boyfriend, played by Alexander Skarsgard. The two have sex—like, a lot of sex—but director Heller says that she ensured most of Powley’s nude scenes were when she was alone, exploring her own body and wondering what about it might make someone really, truly care about her. The film stares unflinchingly at what it is like to be a horny young woman, and the result is powerful and honest. 

photo courtesy of sundance

Though less sensual but no less a narrative about the quiet realization of female power is another coming-of-age effort, Z For Zachariah. Like Diary, Zachariah is a vehicle meant to showcase the capable chops of its lead, Margot Robbie, who has, up until now, only played “sexy” (Star Trek and Wolf Of Wall Street, respectively). Robbie is Anne, one of the very few survivors from a catastrophic global fallout who is magically living in some idyllic paradise, kept from radiation by either weather patterns or by God (the film itself isn’t sure). Anne is so pure and good that the director suggests that she may indeed be the salvation of humanity, but what is so unique to this film is that purity/goodness does not negate her sexual and physical desires. Wanting to be loved or touched doesn’t corrupt her, but gives her perspective and maturity—possibly enough to survive.

photo courtesy of sundance

However, the film that perhaps deals most squarely with the power of sexuality is It Follows, which isn’t necessarily about impending female desire, but desire in general. However, it is another film that asks a whole lot of its main girl, the incredible Maika Monroe, who delivers in full. The synopsis is simple: There is a monster (an It, if you will) that slowly, relentlessly hunts its victims until they are killed, and the way one “catches” the monster is via sex. Of course, many have reflected on how this becomes a narrative of promiscuity, but director David Robert Mitchell asks the viewer to sympathize with Monroe’s Jay, not judge her, because she (and her loyal group of friends) aren’t interested in slutshaming, but are instead preoccupied with the, um, unendingly terrifying group of monsters that are hunting her. In fact, the story seems less about STDs and abstinence and more about the fact that, despite running, hiding, or standing stupidly in a field to great effect, desire will always creep up on you. It is inevitable and a part of adulthood. And that’s okay…until it wants to mangle you.





As It Follows proves, horror has always been a rich space for female characters, except now the trope of the “Final Girl” has been nixed for more relatable characters (like the broken, tired single mother in last year’s Babadook). You can have sex and survive, you can very ably defend yourself from the chainsaw wielding psycho. You cannot, however, run from the uncanny and unspeakable via typically masculine infrastructures like paternalism, religion, and an authoritative society. The Witch, more of a psychological adventure than a straightforward thriller, depicts a Puritan family on the brink—the brink of civilization, and the brink of falling apart. In 1650, a family is banished (pronounced “banish-ed”) from their small settlement and head into the woods, where an immediately threatening feminine force begins to terrorize the family and drive it apart. Newcomer Anya Taylor-Joy plays the eldest daughter Thomison, a girl on the edge of pubescence, whose impending womanhood becomes a source of terror for the family. Critics are already hailing Taylor-Joy’s performance, which oscillates expertly between being childishly innocent and creepily conniving. Without giving too much away, her journey towards womanhood is particularly evocative. 

photo courtesy of sundance

The point here is, these are narratives about women dealing with womanhood, depicted through honest, approachable, and textured lenses. Not one of these ladies becomes didactic with their message or simplistic in their character, and even the ones exploring their own sexuality are never fetishized or shamed. It’s a powerful moment.  

 But the most important thing about each of these films is that their director and the scripts themselves do not ask the viewer to judge—be it Minnie’s promiscuity in Diary or It Follows’ Jaynot-so-great decisions, but to relish the characteristics that make each of these girls, well, women. These are girls on the brink of womanhood, each with desires that are relatable, whether you are man or woman. And that, to be fair, is the stuff of which great films are made. 

kanye west's "only one" music video is the cutest thing ever

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On New Year's Day, Kanye West premiered his track "Only One," featuring the Sir Paul McCartney and inspired by the one and only North West. The song, from the perspective of West's late mother, is incredibly charming. It's so sweet, in fact, that it's easy to overlook the heavy auto-tune. We're even little thankful for the electronica presence, as it brings the lyrics ("Hello my only one, remember who you are / You got the world cause you got love in your hands") to the forefront.

The music video, which premiered on the Ellen show yesterday, matches the track's endearing theme. Directed by Spike Jonze, it shows West and North walking and singing in a foggy field. Even though the moment is clearly staged, it reads like a stolen moment between a father and daughter. (Cue slow-streaming tears.)

"My daughter, she wants to express herself but she just doesn't have the words for it," West told DeGeneres. "For me, there's so many things I want to do with film and clothing and I just didn't have the words or the resources or the backing or the perception that I could do it being a rapper." West is currently working on his next LP. 

listen to calvin harris's latest single feat. haim

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Calvin Harris is a bit of a wizard. By combing his mixing magic in with the musical stylings of Rihanna, Florence Welch, Ellie Goulding, and basically every other super-cool chart-topper you can imagine, he's taken over party playlists across the globe. And given his latest collaboration with HAIM, one thing is for sure: Calvin Harris has given you another new Friday night anthem.

Originally released at the end of November, "Pray to God" shows us a refreshing new side to one of our favorite girl bands. Don't get us wrong: We love jamming out to HAIM's "The Wire" and "Days Are Gone"—but Harris's instrumentals give these rad gals a cool electric twist. With a keyboard-tinged chorus and bumping bassline, the track stays true to Harris and HAIM both. The sisters maintain their signature bold-voiced harmonies and breathy high notes while the Scottish DJ adds just the right mix of electronica and indie rock influences. Basically, it's a song perfectly suited for both Top 40 radio and your carefully curated Spotify playlist.

The music video will be released on February 9, and we can bet it's going to include some awesome hair whipping action and radical dance moves. Until then, we'll just jam out and patiently wait as this track takes over.

justin bieber issues a video "apology"

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Oh, how the mighty have fallen—though we can't say we're surprised at this one. Following a filming session for Ellen, his first official television appearence in months, Justin Bieber uploaded a video to his Facebook page expressing how nervous he was about the taping, saying "I didn't want to come off arrogant or conceited, or basically how I've been acting the past year, year and a half." The 20-year-old then went on to explain, "I'm not who I was pretending to be." Is this a Hannah Montana situation or something?

Bieber's interview with Ellen, which aired today, shows the singer looking tense and anxious about being back in the spotlight. When asked about his upcoming Comedy Central roast on March 7, he explained his decision to participate: "It's cool to be able to laugh at yourself and I've done some things that maybe aren't the greatest." Ellen, the supportive light that she is, then congratulated him on his personal growth and said she was proud of him—after all, it's been a whole few months since he left his monkey in Europe, egged some houses, assaulted paparazzi, was arrested for drunk driving, and enaged in other troubling antics.

The TV appearence was awkward, but not groundbreaking. Sure, the Biebs admitted that his actions probably we're too great, but his Facebook video indicates that he is more concerned about his reputation than the ways his actions have affected other people. He's attempting to 180 his public image, explaining "although what’s happened in the past has happened, I just want to make the best impression on people and be kind and loving and gentle and soft." But words don't equal actions and promises don't always lead to change. We'll see you at the roast, JBiebs, and see if you're all talk or not.

davines launches farm-to-shower haircare

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Not to brag, but I'm currently having the best hair day I've had all winter. My bleached, dry-yet-greasy strands have been having a rough go of it lately—between my beanie hats, the fact that I'm too cold to want to shower, and the dry heat blasting on me, it's been a lose/lose kind of season. Last night, though, I tried Davines' new haircare products, and today my hair is bouncy, shiny, and soft. Seriously. The only thing that could ruin it is the fact that I can't stop touching it. 

Let me back up a little bit. Davines products, in general, are somewhat legendary amongst hairstylists and beauty-lovers because they're super-effective in an incredibly appealing no-fuss sort of way. This new line continues that tradition, with another, more globally conscious layer: Called Essential Hair Care, it was created in conjunction with the nonprofit Slow Food Foundation for Biodiversity as part of the Presidia Project, which supports people who grow heirloom plants in order to prevent their extinction. 

So, basically, there are nine sets within the line, and each one contains one specific active ingredient from a Slow Food Presidium that needs to be protected and preserved. And, each set targets a different hair need, whether you're hair is wrecked, perfectly healthy, fine, curly, and more. I used the Minu shampoo and conditioner, which is designed for dyed hair using Salina Capers from Messina. Yum! The shampoo is foamier than previous Davines shampoos, which I found really satisfying to use, and the conditioner—while a little tough to rinse out completely—feels luxurious and thick. 

Usually I use extra leave-in conditioner, argan oil, and texture spray to get my hair looking decent, but this morning I just used a few sprays of the Minu serum on my ends and scrunched it in a little bit. My hair is full of life and smells like an herb garden. 

Also worth noting: The packaging is all food-grade, so you can repurpose it. I can't wait to use the rest of this conditioner and then bring my lunch to work in its container—which is definitely a thought I've never had before. In short, this collection is totally unique and definitely worth the cash.

Davines Minu Shampoo, $25; Minu Conditioner, $29; Minu Hair Mask, $32; Minu Hair Serum, $23. 

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